somebodyelsethanyou_987

I just got them today; I'm actually using them right now, and it feels so weird.

My new glasses are supposed to make me read without getting tired, but the oculist said that it will take time for me to get used to them.

But I'm still happy that now I can read again. I have felt so stupid and understimulated intellectually.


These are the glasses.

So, San Valentines is coming up, but I will probably be let down. There's this girl I could ask date for one day so we could both have a partner on that day. I think she will like it. I don't really like her that much, but it will be nice to being able to say that I spent San Valentines with another person. If it weren't for the fact that I have three exams that week.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not desperate. Last year, I did have a girlfriend.

We will see how things end up.

Have a nice day.

So the other day I hung out with my best friend, who was sad due to the death of one of his rats, Manolito. I talk to her about my life since not much is going on in hers and mine feels like a sitcom most days, and it makes me think of how much happens in my life and also how little.

I mean, compared to her, it's almost like I'm fascinating; however, I think I could engage more with the world. My general motto is that, if you get interested in life, life will get interested in you.

I also went the other day to my grandma's house, and I was told that, apparently, she had a brother who was an alcoholic who ended up as a homeless man and disappeared. Keep in mind that this is the first time in all my life that I have heard about this.

I also found out that my the father of my grandfather fought for the Republicans during the Spanish Civil War and ended up in various concentration camps. Meanwhile, the mother of my grandmother gave shelter to fascist soldiers.

It's weird how life ends up going. How two families so different can end up merging. It makes me wonder if, any day I settle down with someone, how different her family will be compared to mine.

Maybe polar opposites do match.

Anyway, I ended up taking a malevolent toy from her house, which is more than sixty years old. She makes a crying noise when shaken, her hair is made out of animal hair (I hope it's not human hair), she closes and opens its eyes when moved, and my dog hates her and barks at her.



She's definitely haunted, so there's no way I'm not getting holy water. I already asked my Christian aunt for it, and she's going to give me some holy water to keep in line. The name of the doll is Griselda. I gave her the name myself, as my grandmother hasn't given her a name.

By the way, today I went to the theater, and it is ridiculous how many people will just go in sweatpants, unbelievable.

Have a nice day.

Wow, two days of writing a diary, and I already failed writing one entry per day. However, there's an explanation for it.

Sometimes, if I use devices for too long, I will have what I have recently known as something called ocular migraine.

Basically, I would start seeing blinding light lines like the one in the image, which are super annoying and usually go hand in hand with headaches. It makes me unable to concentrate, and even if it only takes up a little part of my vision, it will still make me unable to see clearly.


So the other day I stayed home to study, but only like two hours into it, I started having one of these. I obviously got angry, as I haven't been so long with my computer, but still, it lasted (headache included) for an hour and so, and every time I try to use a device, IT WILL START AGAIN. So the rest of the day I was unable to use the computer and, thus, to write an entry.

However, it has gotten worse, as the next day, I started having them while being in class!!! I didn't understand why, as I haven't used any devices at all, and today, IT ALSO HAPPENED. It is starting to become very common, and I think I'm starting to lose sight. I'm really hypochondriac too, but still, I'm concerned.

Tomorrow I will go to the oculist to see what I can do about it, but meanwhile, it is being a little difficult for me to use devices and read, and I'm concerned that I might have to start using some low-intensity glasses to read, as I have mocked people with glasses for needing two pieces of glass to see many times.

It is kind of weird, as the last day I posted an entry, I went to the chiropractor, and I was attended by a lovely blind man. I had already gone there when I was ten, but still, I remembered him. He is such a great person and so humble. It is the kind of person I don't want to think much about, as nearly every time I think about people like him, I think how little they deserve to be in a world like ours.

I hope you have a great day.

I don't even remember when was the last time I truly laughed, but I mean truly. Nowadays I force myself to, even if im alone. When did I become so miserable???

I'm never fully where I am, when I'm talking to someone I'm always far away, thinking about other things, thinking about the future, I'm never truly in the moment. Even if I'm thinking about the conversation, I always think about what I'm going to say in a few seconds instead of living in the moment.

Sometimes I wish I was more present, this days my life feel like I'm watching someone else's life trough a TV instead of knowing it's my life.

Even sometimes I have to make myself aware that this is my life, because it's amazing how much I go into autopilot.

Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself or anything like that. I just wanted to rant about my perfect life, with a house, food, water, computer and a loving family, which I somehow, managed to make miserable.

I really hate myself, this is my fault, I don't know what I did, but this is defenitly my fault. I don't even think someone will read this. Plus, I'm supposed to be studying.

I still nedeed to rant.

I have hopes that the pain we feel today is just a way to make us more greatfull for the peace of tomorrow.

Have a nice day.